Summer #39

Don't Turn from Summer (莫负寒夏) by Ding Mo (丁墨)

Chapter 39

Lin Mochen stands up and comes over to Mu Hanxia.

She asks, “Where’s Antony?”

“I told him to leave first.”

“Oh. Got it?”

“Hmm, got it.”

They are both quiet for a moment. Maybe because he is in a good mood, his faintly smiling eyes are fixed on her face.

“Let’s go then?” She offers.

Lin Mochen: “Where to?”

Mu Hanxia: “Shouldn’t we go back to the office?” Barely before she finishes the sentence, her wrist is gently grabbed by him. He gazes at her with shiny eyes, “You forgot? You said you would go see the lot with me.”

Mu Hanxia: “Oh.”

There are some things that have signs. There are some things that have forebodings.

There are some things that are inescapable.

Mu Hanxia sits in the taxi with Lin Mochen and gazes out the window at the night falling as a veil. The city shows a special kind of tranquility. A sense of destiny that is so uncertain and unpredictable floods over her heart, just like the falling night.

She knows what is going to happen, knows that Lin Mochen is deep-thinking and highly aggressive, and she knows what he is going to do to her. But, can she not go? No. She wants to go. Yet at the same time in the bottom of her heart she is afraid to go. Her heart is like a tiny fragile boat floating in the dark night. Even though it is noiseless, even though it has a tactless appearance hiding the internal wounds that are unseen by others, it will nevertheless break through the blinding fog and sail toward where it’s supposed to go.

Lin Mochen sits beside her, his elbow propping against the door, also in silence. She is especially quiet today. She even hides her both hands in her pockets. Even though he wants so much to hold them in his hand, all the way to their destination, he won’t be able to. At these thoughts, he chuckles.

Although Lot A is in the downtown area, as previously mentioned, it is surrounded by several other undeveloped lots. Therefore, seen from afar, it is covered with green grass, with a few hills and farm houses. It’s more like a green grass field within the city.

Since it’s not developed and the people here are quite civil, the lot is not formally fenced. The taxi pulls over beside the lot and they two just stroll over to the lot.

The sky is not totally dark yet. The breeze sways the grass on the ground. It’s a vast wildness. The city buildings around it are now the silent background, circling the land that will be theirs.

Mu Hanxia moves silently forward in the grass. Lin Mochen follows her quietly.

She finds a topic: “Last time we had problems with Xie Lin and got attacked at the factory. Now you’ve snatched the land from Rong Yue, don’t we have to hire a bodyguard for you?”

“I will be careful.” He answers, “You be careful too. Don’t go places alone. Try to stay where I can see you. OK?”

Mu Hanxia doesn’t respond.

Walking a little further, there’s a small uphill in front. Mu Hanxia is rather exhilarated at the thought of winning the lot and climbs all the way up in one breath. But Lin Mochen is no slower. With a few strides of his long legs, he’s already standing by her side on the hilltop.

The wind here blows harder. Mu Hanxia tightens her collars and gazes at the grass at the foot of the hill.

Lin Mochen unbuttons his overcoat and wraps her into his arms from behind.

Mu Hanxia is taken aback. His warm embrace feels like the lingering but obscure emotions in her memories have come and wrapped her all over again.

She remains totally still. She wants to break loose but remains still.

He, on the other hand, is very calm, whispering in her ear, “Are you cold?” His lips almost touch her ears.

“No, I’m not.” Mu Hanxia replies softly, feeling both sweet and sad at the same time.

“Oh...” He responds lightly, but his voice has a hint of smile. His arms press harder and he hugs her a little tighter. He says softly, “I have won the first lot in my life. Won’t Summer congratulate me?”

Mu Hanxia feels as if her whole body is on fire. Her cheeks are also burning pink. She says in a low voice, “Congratulations!”

“Use a different form of congratulation.” He says, “Right now, I’m missing a girlfriend.”

Mu Hanxia feels as if her heart was grilled in blazing flames, so itchy and so painful. She turns to look at him, in an extremely short distance. In his arms, she sees his smiling eyes.

She turns back, struggles out of his arms, and starts to run downhill. “Jason, let’s go back.”

Lin Mochen grabs her hand. But the hill ground is not even and she’s stubbornly wrestling with him, which causes them to fall down on the grass and Mu Hanxia to fall back into his arms. She wants to get up, but he just presses her against his chest and holds her even more tightly.

The grass around them gently scratches against their skin. The setting sky. The flashing-by slope. His face blends into the darkness and is not discernible. He just holds her like that, lying on the cold ground under the sky, not allowing her to escape and not allowing her to not belong to him.

“What are you hiding from these days?” The deep and low voice is pressing.

Mu Hanxia suddenly feels it is too much. She looks up and glares at him, “Lin Mochen, didn’t you say that we are not a good match to each other? Then why say all this now?”

Lin Mochen is quiet for a second.

“When did I say that?”Mu Hanxia tries to hold back herself but then answers, “October 23rd.”

That day, Lin Mochen has some impression of that day. Because it was the day they opened their second apparel flagship store in Beijing. Getting drunk, KTV, being with her alone, and her unusual attitude afterward while acting as if nothing had happened... All the memories flow by in his mind and he understands.

Seeing his silence, Mu Hanxia is both angry and sad. She tries to get up and break loose. But he is fast to hold her close again and says, “That’s different. Back then I truly didn’t make up my mind. How can it be the same right now? For how many days have I been courting you?”

Now that he said it, with a hint of disdain in his tone, Mu Hanxia gets even more upset. She replies with a sneer, “Fine, fine, fine. Jason Lin, when you didn’t think we were a good match, we weren’t. Now you like me and I have to like you too. What damn rule is this? You already dismissed me, why do I have to accept you?” She pushes him away with a hard shove, stands up, and walks quickly downhill.

Lin Mochen quickly sits up and looks at her back, skinny but stubborn in the night. This is the first time he hears her say a cursing word and his face also turns extremely cold. Instead of showing anger, his voice slows down with a smile. He says clearly to her back, “Mu Hanxia, it’s fine you get mad and complains about me. I said the wrong thing and hurt you, it’s totally fine that you get upset with me. But Mu Hanxia, Summer, your heart, is here with me. You and me... huh, we both are very clear about it.”

He says it to the point, he reveals the secret she has been trying to hide unsuccessfully. But he says it with such a cold tone that shows absolutely no tenderness. It makes her so sad all of a sudden. She thinks: Why is he always like that? Why is a man always like that, making her both love and hurt?

She stops abruptly and turns to glare at him. Lin Mochen is quite taken aback but looks quietly at her.

One on top of the hill and the other at the foot. With a short distance in between, she looks up at him and he gazes down.

“Lin Mochen, you are always like this.” She begins slowly, “I once came across a passage that says a man always knocks on the door but never pushes it open. He always waits for the woman to voluntarily open the door herself. I did not believe it and wondered how could this be possible. If you like me and I also like you, then we are impervious to obstacles. Nothing can stop us from being together. But the passage is true. You say that you said those words because you didn’t make up your mind. OK, I believe you. After all, people are divided by classes. Back then you didn’t think I was good enough for you. That’s your choice. But you say you have been courting me all these days. All these days, you’re always knocking on the door. When did you ever push the door open and come in? You never said you love me, never showed me your real heart. You picked on me, hooked me up and tempted me. But you just say nothing. You are afraid of being trapped in the love relationship and being dominated by me. Why? Why do I have to open the door myself and come out like a fool? Why can’t you come in and look right at me, be good to me without any reservation, like they way I treat you?!”

Her voice lingers above the empty field. Tears appear in her eyes but she manages to hold them back. She glares at her angrily and is unable to utter another word.

Lin Mochen, for the first time in his life, stares at a woman in such a dumbfounded manner.

Spitting out the thoughts that have been on her mind for so long, Mu Hanxia feels much better. She turns back again and sees the the boundlessly vast world in the transition between day and night. She ignores him and starts to leave.

But the longer she walks the more lonely she feels. Wasn’t it something pleasant that she did just now? But why after slapping him in the face with those words, she also feels some sadness within herself? She walks on absentmindedly and quickly comes back to the path they took just now. There’s still some distance to the main road, but no sound of footsteps is heard from behind. He hasn’t followed.

Mu Hanxia feels even sadder and calls herself useless. Her mind is actually filled with the image of him standing in the gathering darkness and the sound of his voice saying “Summer, you heart is here with me.”

Finally, when she is about to reach the road, someone is catching up from behind.

Mu Hanxia keeps a tense face and refuses to look back at him. She tries to catch a taxi at the roadside. The street light casts two shadows very close to each other on the ground and he says calmly, “We just said that this is a sensitive time as we just beat Rong Yue and we’d better not go places alone. I will take the taxi back with you.”

Mu Hanxia says nothing.

Momentarily, a taxi pulls over.

She gets into the rear seat. Lin Mochen pulls open the door from the other side and aslo gets in.

The taxi merges into the flowing lights of the city. The bustle passes them, leaving them in a dreamy silence.

Neither of them says a thing.

At the hotel gate, Lin Mochen gets out his wallet and pays for the taxi. Mu Hanxia looks up and notices his overcoat stuck with litters of grass, the black leather wallet in his hand, and the slim pale fingers of his. She turns around and gets out first.

With a few steps apart, they get into the elevator and arrive at their floor.

It’s also his arrangement, Mu Hanxia realized a few days ago. There are only the two of them in this hotel. All the other colleagues are in another hotel. Besides, they are also on the same floor. Mu Hanxia frowns a little and tells herself not to think further.

“Ding,” the elevator door opens. Mu Hanxia walks straight to her room without giving him a glance. And he also gos into his room and shuts the door with a cold face.